All the cool girls could flip off and twirl around the monkey bar. I could not. I found more enjoyment and less of a feeling of inadequacy when dragging my magnet through the sand and pulling up iron particles. I was too scared to flip off and twirl around the monkey bar, unlike the cool girls. They were brave. I could, however, swing upside down, back and forth from my knees on the monkey bar...not cool, especially if your shirt accidentally fell down over your face and bared your flat-chestedness to all the playground. (Gulp.)
How to Flip off the Monkey Bar
- Grasp the monkey bar firmly with both hands.
- Throw your lower body forward; swing forward and backward, gaining enough momentum so that you can swing your legs up past your shoulders, between your hands, and hook your knees over the monkey bar.
- Let your hands go from the bar and swing your torso hard back and forth (this is as far as I would go) hard.
- When your body reaches as far forward as it can, unhook your knees and let the momentum of your body carry you forward and your legs around until you land on your feet.
- Throw your hands up in the air in triumph and gloat while everyone looks at you in admiration.
- Grasp the monkey bar firmly with both hands.
- Throw your lower body forward; swing your legs forward and backward, gaining enough momentum so that you can swing one leg up past your shoulders and between both hands.
- Swing your body hard and use your hands and your strength to hoist your upper body up until you are sitting on top of the bar--knee on the bar, other leg dangling below the bar.
- Carefully place both hands under the bar and lock your fingers around your shin.
- At the same time, throw your body forward and allow the momentum to carry you around the bar over and over.
- Use your dragging leg and your upper body strength to cause you to spin faster and faster around the bar while everyone looks at you in admiration.
Love,
~Iron-collecting, janitor-pissing off Mama
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