I've come to realize just how important is to make daily connections with our significant others.
- Connection keeps the good thoughts in and the unhealthy thoughts out. Fawn Weaver, author of The Happy Wives Club (2014), writes, "A connection every day is important for a number of reasons (p. 49). For one, it starves negative thoughts of infidelity. Let's face it, when one remarries after experiencing the pain of having a spouse cheat on him or her, naturally certain events can trigger suspicion. Weaver says, "Connection starves suspicion" (p. 49). I'll never forget a dumb disagreement Mike and I had that resulted in me not talking to him for days (childish of me, yes, I know). He tried so hard to make a connection with me every day, but I was not having it. Some days later, before retiring for the night, he turned to me and very sadly asked if there might be someone else. I was completely taken aback how my lack of time and attention negatively affected him. It was then I realized a simple connection can make a loved one feel secure in spite of past hurt.
- Connection, "over time, it allows us...to see past our spouses' imperfections" (p. 49). I know how imperfect I am, but Mike makes me feel perfect by looking for opportunities to connect daily. Mike is not perfect, but I've got to say, he is perfect in every moment we stand in front of the sink, him washing and me drying, after the evening meal. He is perfect every time he asks, "What's on the agenda this weekend?" because he is genuinely interested in ensuring we will have time to connect when we are done with work.
- Connection allows a couple to "debrief the day, share about the day to come, and talk about the bigger pieces of life" (p. 49). For Mike and I it's a time to reflect on what has happened and a time to dream about what will be. When I look back at our nearly four years of marriage, I see just where all those evening discussions--those planning sessions--have led us. I can surely see where we are going, too.
- Most importantly, connection is a time to celebrate what makes a couple a couple. Weaver's favorite acronym is AEOD: Accept Each Other's Differences. She believes that "accepting each other's differences is one of the main things that set apart the happy couples from those who are floating unhappily through their marriages, or settling for 'good enough' (p. 50). Connecting frequently keeps the real stuff in perspective. In many ways, Mike and I are so different, but in many ways we are so compatible--and in the most important ways: "beliefs, values, respect, and love toward each other. In the places where we will never quite line up, we need to AEOD" (p. 50).
If you want to truly show your significant other your love, give him or her your time. Set aside time daily to make a connection with him or her. It might simply be holding each other's hand while watching your favorite movie--no words at all. It might be raking the yard together. It might be enjoying a meal across the table from each other. It might simply be a short exchange while falling asleep in each other's arms. Time measured in minutes is not important. Time measured in presence, however, is a gift your lover will always treasure, always appreciate. A connection is, perhaps, the greatest gift you will ever give or receive.
Love,
~Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment