The "C" Word

Nan's got stage ll cancer. In her left breast. A mammogram detected two small spots on her breast and an enlarge lymph node under her arm pit and a biopsy confirmed cancer. She is now scheduled for another biopsy to further determine next steps, which, at this time, looks like removal of the spots, lymph node and chemo. Nan is most afraid of losing her hair! (lol!) She asked me if I had any scarves she could have to cover her head with. I don't, but I did find there are cancer survivors who donate scarves and hats to cancer patients--soooo nice if we ever get to that. She was remarkably cheerful and positive when I had dinner with her and Pep last night...not so much today (Thanksgiving), though. As you can imagine, the anxiety she has endured the past couple of weeks has taken its toll on her and she is exhausted! I imagine this is going to be a trying roller coaster ride for all of us until she is CANCER-FREE!

My first thought after Nan confirmed she had cancer was FUCK!--a thought that might imply doom...and to tell you the truth, that's the way I felt initially. That's not the correct, appropriate mentality going forward, however. According to the American Cancer Society, "[f] or women with stage ll breast cancer, the 5-year relative survival rate is about 93%" and "[a]s treatments are improving over time, women who are now being diagnosed with breast cancer may have a better outlook than these statistics show." That means 93 out of 100 people live after cancer is gone and many live much longer than five years after diagnosis. This is encouraging! Let's think optimistically! Starting with some prayers...

Prayer for the healing of cancer

Lord,

You have taught me that faith as small as a mustard seed can grow into an amazing tree.

Today I give you my little seed of faith. I place it firmly in the ground of your word. I water it with truth. The warmth of your love will make it grow.

Today I ask by faith that you would bring healing from this cancer. I place my trust in you. May this seed sow healing into every area where the tumour has emerged. May it grow into a strong work, redeeming and restoring with great strength and power.

Amen.

(a Christian prayer for healing from www.lords-prayer-words.com)

...and something soothing...

With our love and support, Nan WILL be cancer-free (in Jesus' name)!

Love,
Mama

Nothing is Coincidental

When you are "randomly" thinking of someone (especially if s/he has not been on your mind or in your presence in a while), it is for a reason!  Be ready; s/he will phone you...text you...email you...find you through social media...bump into you at the gas station...It will be no coincidence. It will be kismet...destiny...fate. If someone crosses your mind, ACT--EXPECT! Expect him or her to contact you or show up show how, somewhere in your life--better yet, contact him! Chances are you've crossed his mind, too.

I think of my mom and she calls. I think of a guest I have not seen at the Cafe in a while and the next day she visits. I think of one of my children and they text me. Even more interesting, I will encounter common "themes" in one day--for instance, the "Auburn Colony" (something I had never heard of before) was spoken to me several times by different people in the course of one work day.

The more you stay in tune to these cosmic occurrences, the more they will happen. Nothing is coincidental. Everything happens for a reason.

Daily Reminder

My three. My heartbeat!
My first thought in the morning.
My last before sleep.

City Crosswalk Stress

Crazy New York plates!
Why must you hurry so? Why?
Stop! The white man blinks!

Vacation Makes me Feel...

Excited, thrilled--high,
yet somehow guilty--guarded.
Oh, to be free--FREE!

Silas (my Handsome Grand-kitty)

Big boy! Rub Master!
Loving eyes. Caressing tail.
(I'm catnapping you!)

Ode to Whole Foods

Fresh, frozen, hot, cold
tantalizing my senses.
You pick-pocket, you!

NY Trees in Bloom

Tiny green babies
being birthed into the light.
Pink petals rain down.

Sounds From one Park Slope Window

Airplane rumbles by.
Siren warns must pass! Move NOW!
Families strolling.

Rejuvenated Mama

One of my favorite things in the world to do, especially when I feel closed in by life's trappings, is to grab a good book and head to a destination that promises to soothe both my palate and my temperament. There is nothing as relaxing as forgetting about your worries by submerging yourself in an engaging story. There is nothing more healing than savoring the tastes and smells of cuisine beautifully--artfully--prepared by someone else's hands. There is nothing more humbling than being served by someone whose sole purpose is ensure your dining experience is enjoyable and peaceful.

Tonight, feeling the need to spread my wings, I quickly headed out the door to avoid questions. I wanted my destination to be my secret. My mission was to gorge myself on food and non-fiction. God has a way of guiding my path just when I need it, and tonight was no different. I forgot my book at home and was forced to detour to Target, where, after reading many synopses, I settled on the perfect read:  Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage by Fawn Weaver. (The first chapter inspired me to create a new label for this blog. More on that on a later date.) I was not sure at which restaurant I would end up, but I told myself it would be Little Saigon in Brunswick if there was parking at front of the door--hot, steamy Pho would mollify both my strained throat (been sick for a few days) and spirit. Steps ordered, I pulled right up!

After the Vietnamese waitress graciously motioned for me to sit at a private table near a window, I immediately dove into my book while she fetched me hot tea. Moments later I was indulging in a heady pile of green papaya and shrimp salad soaked in a sweet and spicy concoction and topped with chopped peanuts--divine! My fragrant bowl of Pho arrived, chock full of Bok Choy, rice noodles, and chicken--ah! It was all I could do to keep my nose in the book while slurping the comforting potage. My alone-time concluded with delicately fried sesame-covered dough filled with a brown sugar and red bean paste--yum! My last moments (as corny as it may sound) were spent tearfully acknowledging a sunnier countenance and a redetermined spirit. I left feeling lighter, enlightened, and grateful.

If ever you, dear ones, feel "squeezed" consider some you-time...go somewhere nice, where nice people will welcome you and make you feel more like you. Be brave enough to feel comfortable being by yourself. Sometimes time away from all the entities that pull at you and enjoying your own quiet company can be quite rejuvenating!

Love,
~Mama

Biopsy Mama

(Lots of expletives, here...) I must go for yet ANOTHER biopsy. This time on my boob. Let me start from the beginning...

In 1989, I went for a follow-up with my doctor shortly after birthing you, Aly. Within days, I received a phone call from a Nurse Practioner, who told me I had "pre-cancerous" cells in my uterus. GAH! I was horrified! A week or so later, I was laying on the table, my knees in the stirrups, and the doc's scissors snipping away at my lady-insides. Double GAH! I was sent home with cramps and some antibiotics. Future exams have all come out fine, thankfully.

In 2007, I went for a routine mammogram--my first. I must say, having your boobs squashed is just as unappealing as having someone poking things into your va-jay-jay (sorry Jay!). Who knew "the girls' could be stretched so far and flattened in so many angles? The results revealed two suspicious spots on the left twin. Subsequently, the doctor scheduled me for a Stereotactic Breast Biopsy. I must admit, I wasn't horrified this time...I was downright scared! The SBB really wasn't all that bad. The anesthesiologist numbed the old girl up good, and the technician went to work contorting "Lefty" like she was a circus freak (my boob, not the technician). Unfortunately, I had a really bad cold and could not stop coughing. I was almost sent home, BUT I was determined NOT to come back again, and I somehow made it through the ordeal. I was sent home with an ice pack on said boob, and a beautiful pink rose. Days later, I found out the spots were simply calcifications (calcium deposits), a normal occurrence in aging breasts. (Hey wait! I was only 40!) What a relief!

Here we are, in 2013, and I had a small, out-of-control sebaceous gland, that reminded me I had not had a mammogram in a couple of years...uh....almost five years. Today I had another mamo. Damned if old "Righty" was feeling left out. Now she's got to go for a biopsy...same story as her sister. Alas, the right one just had to out-do the left one, and she had to sport clustered calcium deposits (four or more closer together), which the doc definitely had to take a look at. Yeah, not to worry, though. The majority of these sightings are just that, nothing to worry about...My SBB is scheduled for Tuesday. I pray I don't get a cold! Heh heh heh!

...which leads me to the reason why I decided to post this very private, yet very, very important blog post: GET YOUR EXAMS DONE REGULARLY! I don't care how much you hate having your you-know-where you-know-whated! You must give your doctor a baseline to compare all other exams to (s/he can easily detect changes), AND you can catch anything before it becomes something...early detection is so important. While I am NOT worried I have cancer, I AM glad I went while I felt healthy. So many of us do not go to the doctor because we feel just fine, healthy, invincible. How many are surprised when their doctor drops the bomb on them and they require major treatment?! I'm not just talking pap-smears, girls, or the prostate-check, Dom...I am also talking about going to the dentist twice a year for cleaning, and once a year for x-rays. For the next few years, you are all covered under Mike's medical insurance and your father's dental insurance. Take advantage of it! Before you turn 26, be thinking about how your are going to continue with your own coverage...usually you must work full-time in order to enjoy this luxury--privilege. 

The gift of health care is a beautiful thing. You must appreciate it and take advantage of it! Now go schedule your appointments...NOW! 

I love each of you, fiercely!

~Mama

A Healthier Mama

It's probably a good idea to expand this blog a bit. Perhaps you three would be interested in knowing what's going on in Mama's noodle on any given day?

I have been on a journey of discovering new things about me. It began in October, when I  finally had enough of being unhappy with my appearance, and decided losing weight would be a good idea. Little did I know I would be feeling so radiant and so confident three months later. I have struggled my whole life with my weight, especially in the last five years since my job became so sedentary. On October 1st, I was a whopping 178 pounds! 18 of those pounds crept on in just the last two years. I guess I was really enjoying being a newlywed? I began exercising and watching my portions. Mike and I began the Insanity workout program in early November and I really began paying attention to what I was putting in my body. The more I felt my muscles develop, the more I wanted to fuel my body better.

It's January, and for the first time--ever--I am loving, loving, loving working out! I have lost 15 pounds so far and feel strong. I have a long way to go, but I am making strides to live cleaner and healthier, and to lose more weight, and to move more. There is something so liberating about loving exercising! I've always hated it! At 47, I am loving the way my body moves, the way my muscles feel when I move. I love the exhilaration and the exhaustion I feel after a workout. I am starting to like the woman I see in the mirror--for the first time ever!

Working out fuels my passion for eating better. I juice every morning (Thanks for the Juiceman, guys!): 2 carrots, 2 oranges, 2 stalks of celery, and 2 Granny Smith apples. My "orange juice" is incredibly delicious! In the afternoon I green smoothie: a Granny, a banana, a handful of green grapes, some fresh pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, spinach, some avocado...whatever strikes my fancy. I am discovering how wonderfully tasty raw fruits and vegetables are! I am thrilled with how much energy I have. I am delighted at my lack of bloat.

Do me a favor, babies, and watch the movie Hungry for Change. It altered the way I feel about the food I fuel my body with. Let's face it. Our cars would not run if we added sugar-water to the tank. Our cars run on gas. Why should we dump crap into our bodies? They do not run efficiently on crap. Start reading your food labels. Discover how many ingredients are chemicals--unpronounceable. Research some of the ingredients and learn how manufacturers disguise crap as "natural," or make ambiguous or untruthful claims about what our foods are made of. Did you know there are rarely blueberries in cereals or muffins? Really! They are made with artificial colors, hydrogenated oils, and liquid sugars, etc.--the same ingredients derived from petrochemicals! Think about eating more plant-based foods and less grains. I am not saying cut out all the things you love. I am saying make wiser choices. Juice your oranges instead of buying o.j. in a carton. Substitute agave nectar for sugar. Drink almond milk instead of milk. The best advice I can give you is do not eat what you see advertised on television. Eat no more prepackaged foods!



More on exercise and diet later...

Love,
~Mama